The Traffic Safety Album
Songs about traffic safety, released in 2019.
Purchase mp3 or aiff (CD files) here.
CDs are available at the CSz Portland Arena during ComedySportz events.
Recorded in Portland, Oregon*, from 2016-2019. All noises not otherwise noted are by Patrick Short. Mastered by Kevin Laurila.
(* Mike Short’s guitars were recorded in Albany, NY and shipped by email.)
Signals
You may have made your choice
But I cannot hear your voice
Tell me what you’re thinking
I wanna see you blinking
I care, I wanna know
Please send me a signal and I’ll gladly let you go
I care, I wanna know
It would also explain why you’re going so slow
Which way are you heading
what are you intending
I find I’m always dreading
that catastrophe’s impending
repeat chorus
Please send me a sign
You don’t have to say why
like a lighthouse in a storm
like a lovesick firefly
like a friendly spark in darkness
like a diamond in the sky
Look, it only takes a second
and I’m asking you to try
The simplest of gestures
Can warn of sudden moves
Save a life by signaling
and that just goes to prove
repeat chorus
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Susannah Mars – lead vocal
Your Right of Way
We met up at the crossroads late one evening
I don’t know what you thought you were achieving
You sat, expectant, in the dark some time
What could I do, but wait at my stop sign?
I don’t want the right of way that you just gave me
Could be trouble down the road, so don’t try to save me
There’re so many reasons that I want to stay
So Darling, don’t give up your right of way.
I know you think you’re nice, and even caring.
There’s time for taking charge and time for sharing
And we have rules to follow, handed down from long ago
If you are on the right, for crying out loud, go!
I don’t want the right of way that you just gave me
Could be trouble down the road, so please don’t wave at me
There’re so many reasons that I want to stay
So Darling, don’t give up your right of way.
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Vince Radostitz – lead vocal
Olivia Duffy – fiddle, mandolin and backing vocal
Out of Nowhere
Outta Nowhere!
With no sound or warning / Unexpected patterns forming
Nowhere!
Full of Dark and mystery / Ninja swift soon to be history
Nowhere!
Up my blindside creeping / I was watching, never sleeping
But you came outta nowhere / You scared me half to death
You’re all in black and you don’t care
How close you are to running out of breath
Yes you came outta nowhere / From where you shouldn’t be
I wasn’t told you’d be there
So don’t you flip that finger at me
Outta nowhere!
With no lights to signal / visibility abysmal
Nowhere!
Causing interjections / All action and no reflections
Nowhere!
Up my blindside creeping / I was watching, never sleeping
But you came outta nowhere / You scared me half to death
You’re all in black and you don’t care
How close you are to running out of breath
Yes you came outta nowhere / From where you shouldn’t be
I wasn’t told you’d be there
So don’t you flip that finger at me
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Ithica Tell – lead vocal
Steve Adams – lead guitar
Patrick Short – backing vocal
Roundabouts
If you’re traveling vehicularly
Often it is perpendicularly
It’s a no-brainer making turns on a grid
But look what the city planners done did
They’ve installed an alternate intersection
That seems to go off in random directions
Yield at the sign, take a breath, it’s okay
The cars already circling should have the right of way
Now.
Don’t freak out
It’s a roundabout
No need to speed and no need to shout
You may be full of doubt
Just go in and out
It’s a roundabout – it’s just a roundabout.
Traffic Circles, Roundabouts and Rotaries
Are designed to reduce the traffic speeds
Conceived in 1900 as a junction more efficient
Don’t act like a quadrangle when you’re faced with something different
There were some problems until the sixties
When the “Offside Priority Rule” fixed these
It says, “Don’t stop, but yield at first
Unless you’re driving through Portland’s Laurelhurst”
repeat chorus
Don’t speed up, but maybe slow down.
Don’t stop or yield once you’re going around
Do not pass, and don’t signal your turn
I know it’s a lot but I think we can learn!
repeat chorus
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Amy Gray – lead vocal
Patrick Short – backing vocals
Rubberneckin’
It’s true emergencies require a bit of space
It’s the law here when you’re passing them to ease up on your pace
But even when you’re Northbound and they’re in the Southbound lane
There’s a curiosity that gets the best of you
And you slow way down to get a better view
Not caring for the other people behind you…
Rubberneckers, Rubberneckin’
Wonderin’ and What-the-Heckin’
I’m sitting and I’m wondering why this traffic’s at a crawl
There doesn’t seem to be an explanation for it all
Oh, I see now, on the overpass
Somebody’s gone and got themselves a flat
Now the rubberneckers have to do their bit
Slowing down because they gotta take a look at it
Rubberneckin’, you’re Rubberneckin’
Wonderin’ and What-the-Heckin’
Speculatin’, Theorizin’
Guessin’, Hypothesizin’
Slowing down to get a better view
What if that guy in that car was you?
It’s all fun and games and novelty
‘Til your kids see something they can’t unsee
Now you went and gave them PTSD
From staring at that emergency
What did you hope that you might see?
Just move on past and set us all free
Rubberneckin’, you’re Rubberneckin’
Wonderin’ and What-the-Heckin’
Just keep driving and mind your lane
and mind your own business, if it’s all the same
Those cops and medics and tow truck drivers
Don’t need no supervisors
They can handle things when they go wrong
You’ve got a job and it is just to move along
Rubberneckin’, you’re Rubberneckin’
Wonderin’ and What-the-Heckin’
Rubberneckin’, you’re Rubberneckin’
Wonderin’ and What-the-Heckin’
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Donna Kay Yarborough – lead vocal
Mike Short – dobro
Patrick Short – backing vocals
I Will Move Aside
You spark to life / On my horizon
No sound yet / that I can hear
But I know, / upon reflection,
You are much closer / than you appear
I will make a place for you
Before our fates collide
I know you may need some room
I will move aside
I will move aside
I will move aside
I will move aside
To do the work / I ask of you
Requires skill / Requires speed
I swear I won’t
Stand in your way
In someone else’s
Hour of need
repeat chorus
Now there you go / a-wailing past me
I say a prayer / for those you serve
I look again
to where you came from
there may be more
Behind the curve
Chorus
Calmly
Early
Predictably
Safely
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Phil Ajjarapu – lead vocal
Olivia Duffy – fiddle and mandolin
Patrick Short – backing vocals
Margie Boulé – very high vocal
Look Up
I heart my phone times google and I’m sure you feel the same
It’s always there for me with a message or a picture or a game
But I fear contact’s coming soon
On this flawless afternoon
Our worlds are gonna collide!
Look up!
(There’s stuff to see)
Look up!
(Avoid emergency)
Look up!
(And gaze right into me)
Look up! Look up! Look up!
Those who cross me have been known to feel some pain
It’s in your best interest to engage your busy brain
And there’s just one thing you need to do
Watch out for me, I’ll watch out for you
I wanna see the whites of your eyes!
repeat chorus
I don’t wanna be your closest friend
But I don’t wanna be your chapter’s end
repeat chorus
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Kevin Hendrickson – lead vocal
Patrick Short – backing vocals
Crossing Over
I am speedy I am slow
I am everywhere you go
Mama always said I’d cross that line
Calmly filling you with fear
Go around or suffer here
Baby, don’t you know this world is mine?
Do you feel lucky?
I’m crossing over
I’m crossing over
I’ll take you with me
I’m crossing over
I’m crossing over
I could be inside my phone
wrestling an ice cream cone
or a mama comforting her child
there’s a spider there’s a bee
a medical emergency
pass with care my dear, the road is wild
I’ll take you with me
I’m crossing over
I’m crossing over
Don’t try to stop me
I’m crossing over
I’m crossing over
Don’t try to look me in the face
Give me lots of breathing space
your signals and communions leave me cold
approach me with the utmost care
hold your breath and say your prayer
both of us may yet get to be old
I’ll take you with me
I’m crossing over
I’m crossing over
Don’t try to stop me
I’m crossing over
I’m crossing over
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Susannah Mars – lead vocal
Patrick Short – backing vocals
Mike Short – lead guitars
Do The Right Thing
Crept up as easy as I could on you
Gave you every chance to move aside
Can’t you see me cursing in your rearview
You promised me my freedom and you lied
I understand you’re hauling precious cargo
I see there’s a baby on your board
You’re old or you’re infirm or you’re exhausted
Then the right lane’s where you
Should be headed toward
Do the right thing
And leave that left lane open
Do the right thing
And leave that man go free
Cuz I ain’t stopping (He ain’t stopping)
Or slowing down for nothin’
I gotta bring my baby back to me
Baby likes that life out on the highway
Baby keeps it fast and loose and light
But when it’s time to slow it down come Friday
Baby moves it over to the right!
So if you see my headlights in your mirror
Kindly move aside and let me through
The left lane is for speedy folks like me,
The right lane is for slower folks like you.
Repeat chorus
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Margie Boulé – lead vocal
Phil Ajjarapu – chorus vocals
Mike Short – lead guitar
Way Home
Runnin out of steam and I’m needing to unload
Wishing I was in my bed but I’m on the road
Sunset closing the door on another day
If I can make it through the city and the traffic I’ll be okay
Way home. Wa-y home.
I’m just looking for my way home
Way home. Wa-y home.
Everybody’s got to find their way home
I’m looking at the cars and I’m thinking about the lives
Everybody’s a child, so many husbands and wives
Moving all at the same time, in their own ways
So many people treating this like it’s a race
Way home. Wa-y home
We’re all looking for our way home
Way home. Wa-y home.
Let’s make sure everybody gets home.
Now things are getting slower, and congestion is insane
You got your blinker on and your nosing into my lane
I say go ahead, what’s a second or two to me
I’m just trying to get from point A to point B, safely.
Way home. Wa-y home
We’re all looking for our way home
Way home. Wa-y home.
Let’s make sure everybody gets home.
© 2019 Patrick Short and Amy Lynn Gray, BMI.
Ithica Tell – lead and backing vocals
Patrick Short's Extended Family 